The Last Smile
by Leonora Chris
Summary: WARNING! Death fic. Tissue warning? "Don't let me do this... Why can't anyone save me? Why couldn't they see me?" He has come to the end of his rope. Now all he can do is wish that once this is over, he doesn't have to feel anything ever again. But what about those who are left behind? ...I hate what death fics do to me yet I wrote one myself... - Now with alternative ending.
1. The Last Smile

_**(I don't own NCIS or the characters etc from it, only the story is mine.)**_

**This is for all the sad and lonely ones out there. Those who the world has turned it's back on. The ones who cry each night and wonder '_why do I even try?_' Those who wonder '_is this all there is ever going to be?_' Stay strong, hold on. Although a world like this does not deserve you, please try and hold on. And maybe, perhaps one day, you will meet someone who can see you and hear your voice.**

**So deep... I shouldn't be writing anything while I'm feeling down and listening to sad music on top of it all...**

**THE GUEST REVIEWS: As I can't answer to those with only one chapter in the story... Thank you! Love you!  
**

_**Leo**_

* * *

As he stood up and said goodbye, he didn't have to be a genius to know no one hardly paid any attention to what he had just said or rather the _way_ he had said it. Each of them either too tired to care or too much into their weekend plans.

They had just finished their case. Reports were handed in. Everything was in perfect order. They had a whole weekend off. A rare treat for them and he knew each one of them was going to be taking advance of it in their own way.

He didn't have to see or hear it to know it. Probie, _his probie_, would be writing another chapter for that book of his. Then maybe play some geek games of his. Do some other geek stuff he would usually do...

Ziva... Well, he had heard her talk about how she would love to visit a 'friend' of hers so that was most likely what she was going to do.

Abby would spend her weekend clubbing or if the work called, at work.

Same thing with Ducky, well without the clubbing part. The dear old Ducky would spend the time taking care of his mother's grave.

Jimmy, the only one who _had_ noticed something was off with him today, but had been too busy to get the chance to ask about it. He would be busy with his studying. No free time for the poor guy. His friend. Perhaps they could have become the next Gibbs and Ducky, as far as their relationship went.

And Gibbs. Gibbs would... _Gibbs_... Boss would spend it in the basement. Drinking bourbon and working on the boat. Maybe think about those he had lost. Would he become one of them? Would Gibbs remember him like the others?

Would they forget him..?

In sudden agony, Tony muttered bye for the last time and hurried to the stairs. Not trusting himself to be in that small space with everyone else.

By the time he had made it half way downstairs, he had to sit down and try to breath. He really should have taken the elevator after all. His lungs couldn't handle this any more. Every day was pure agony. Trying to keep himself breathing. To not forget to breath. Breath in and breath out. Constant mantra he kept on going through in his head. Most likely even in his sleep, when he could get any sleep that is.

Thinking his breathing was steady enough, Tony stood up and slowly made it downstairs. Feeling dizzy and sick. And his throat... It felt like he was suffocating.

_God please... Someone help me... Don't let me do this... Don't let me go through with it..._

Making it to his car he noticed that everyone else had already left. Part of him felt relieved and the other part was disappointed.

He drove home slowly. Not wanting to cause any accidents and bring anyone with him. No one else should have to pay the price for his weakness.

For a moment he wanted to give up and just call someone when he noticed the '_out of order_' sign on the elevator. He couldn't do this anymore. Another bunch of stairs. Why did he have to end up living in a place like this anyway?

The way up was painfully slow and after already running all over the place all day, no all _week_, he was almost ready to pass out by the time he made it to his door.

Locking up his door and after making sure it had been bolted up nice and tight, he walked to the kitchen to get something to drink.

How ironic. He was going to kill himself yet he was worried about how much he needed that drink.

He was hardly surprised to find nothing in the kitchen so he had to settle for a glass of water, which wasn't even cold enough. Come to think, he was feeling rather hot. Or maybe cold?

Wiping the sweat from his forehead, Tony staggered in the living room and put on a movie. His hands were shaking now and he found himself crying.

_Don't let me do this... Why can't anyone save me? Why couldn't they see me?_

Taking his gun, he put it on the floor, right next to his badge, which he had accidentally dropped from his numb fingers.

He had tried saying something to them. Tried to tell Gibbs what Brad had told him about the condition of his lungs. But the man had been too busy with other things. Work. The death of Jackie and Eli.

Sure. He understood. The pain of the loss and the anger. The need for revenge. But could they not spare just a little bit of time for him? He had done his share. Had followed Ziva in Berlin even.

Having saved so many people during the years and all the bad guys he had killed, he couldn't help but wonder... Was this the price he had to now pay? Bad lungs which would ultimately kill him anyway and being invisible, smiling and joking, wall flower in that team of his.

Taking the new bottle of pills from his pocket which he had saved for this moment.

"I'm sorry Ducky... Please don't feel guilty for trusting me with these..."

Taking the pills with the water, Tony leaned forward to write down the short message which he figured he should write. To not let anyone think a crime had happened. Although the now empty bottle of sleeping pills was pretty good message already.

Laying against the pillows on the couch, he stared at the movie on TV. After a while everything started to fade and he felt sleepy.

_Why couldn't they save me?_

He could have sworn he heard his mother's soft voice, singing a lullaby to him. One of her sober moments...

With the It's a wonderful life playing on the background, Anthony D. DiNozzo jr. finally closed his eyes, with a sad smile on his face.

* * *

Spacing around the basement, Gibbs felt restless. He felt almost painful twist in his gut. No, screw that. It _was_ painful. It felt almost as bad as it had felt before he knew what had happened to Shannon and Kelly.

Throwing his bottle of bourbon against the floor, he took out his phone and pressed speed dial.

After calling each person he cared about and knowing they were doing just fine, he finally called the one person he for some reason dreaded to call. And perhaps, had he called him first, things could have turned out differently.

"_You have reached very special Anthony DiNozzo's phone. Leave a message and I will call you back. Boss? If it's you, I'm sure I have perfectly good reason to not answer."_

Waiting patiently for the message to end, Gibbs finally spoke. "DiNozzo! Answer your phone! _Please_. I need to know you're okay. Call me as soon as you hear this, okay? Please..."

Ending the call, Gibbs felt twisting feeling in his gut and he stormed out of the basement, grabbing his car keys on the way. Not caring that he had been drinking bourbon. Not like he was even drunk. Although right now he almost wished he was.

While leaving his house, he called Ducky.

"Ducky. I need you to get to Tony's place right now. Something's wrong... No. Just a feeling I'm having. Really bad one. Yeah. I'll see you there."

Breaking any speed limits he possibly could and who knows what else, as he took any short cuts he could think of, Gibbs made it to Tony's place in record time.

Scoffing at the '_out of order sign_', he ignored the pain in his bad knee and started taking two, and sometimes three, steps at a time as he raced upstairs.

Taking out his spare key, Gibbs opened the door, only he noticed it had been bolted up from the inside. Not even hesitating, he kicked the door open.

Closing the door, with gentleness that was so different from the angry kick before, Gibbs walked further into the dimly lit apartment.

"DiNozzo?"

Hearing faint noise coming from the living room, Gibbs walked straight in there and felt a smile raise on his face as he saw his agent sleeping on the couch, like a baby. Smiling in his sleep.

"D*mn it Tony... You scared the h*ll out of me..."

Shutting down the TV, Gibbs noticed the piece of paper on the floor. Picking it up he squinted his eyes, trying to read it. The short message that stood on it, made both his heart and soul freeze in fear.

_'I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry.'_

"Tony..."

It was only then that Gibbs noticed there was no raising and falling on the chest. No soft breathing. And Tony's skin was deathly pale.

His hand was trembling when he moved it to check the pulse. No... There was no pulse...

Deep down Gibbs knew there was no hope. That he was too late. But he _had_ to try. He had to do something or he would break down. Break down like there was no tomorrow.

Taking a hold of Tony, Gibbs was shocked to notice how light the younger man was. When had DiNozzo lost so much weight..? It had to be in very short period of time...

"Tony... Come on... Don't do this to me, son... Don't do this to me..."

Gibbs started giving CPR. Over and over again. He kept repeating the cycle until there was no breath left in him to do it.

"Please... Tony... Please..." He was pleading.

Sitting on the floor, he pulled the unmoving form of the most important person after Shannon and Kelly into his arms. Cradling the grown man like a little child. Pleading, praying.

"Please... Don't do this to me... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... Come on... Open those eyes for me Tony..."

There was so many things left unsaid... So many things... _Important_ things... He had been planning taking the man to someplace hot. On the beach, with bunch of those bikini women of his. He might've even been talked into wearing one of those hideous Hawaii shirts. He had been planning it for weeks. Knowing they both needed some rest from the work.

He had waited too long...

When Ducky finally made it in the apartment, he was faced with an image that wouldn't leave him for the rest of his life.

He had seen enough dead bodies in his life to know what had happened.

He didn't let himself fall apart right now. He would only do it after he had done his work on dear Anthony. He would not let anyone else touch his friend. It would only happen over his dead body.

Taking out his phone, Ducky started making phone calls. Knowing that soon everyone would be here. Some of them perhaps even adopting Gibbs's driving style to get there fast enough.

Gibbs was unaware of anything else. He had finally broken down and his pleading turned into sobbing as he kept holding Tony in his arms.

He couldn't do this again... He couldn't do this...

Why hadn't they noticed something was wrong? Why hadn't _he_ noticed anything? Could they have saved him?

* * *

They had dressed him into his favorite suit.

Abby had chosen to fill the coffin with flowers. Even the flowers she had chosen herself. Surprisingly not going with any black roses, but instead finding all kinds of white flowers. She was crying uncontrollably while the priest was speaking. She didn't hear a thing.

McGee was looking pale and very unsure of himself, with his arm over Abby's shoulders. He had big shoes to fill and for the first time he realized he was not going to be able to do that. The shoes were too big for anyone to fill.

Ziva was sitting there and glanced towards the surprise guest. DiNozzo senior who did not show any emotions. Perhaps he only cried in secret or then he truly felt nothing at all. At least he had showed up.

Jimmy was crying openly, squeezing his glasses in his hands and Breena was holding her arms around him. Trying to offer the comfort she knew she couldn't offer.

Ducky was sitting next to Jimmy. He wasn't crying, but his eyes were red.

The funeral was big and expensive and shocking amount of people had showed up. From old friends, frat brothers and former girlfriends to former work partners, people from the Navy Yard, people Tony had helped, people who he didn't even know. Even people like Vance, Tom Morrow and Fornell. They all had come to show their respect.

They were all too late...

The one who had paid it all was not there. He simply couldn't do it. Instead he had locked himself up in his basement. Drinking his bourbon in the middle of what used to be a beginning of a beautiful boat. Maybe he'll give up building boats...

"I'm sorry, Tony... We should've been there... _I_ should've been there..." He mumbled drunkenly.

Ducky, that old bastard, had taken his guns away from him and they all had cornered him. Making him promise to not do 'anything stupid'. He had laughed and asked them if that was what a suicide was called now.

Sure, he had promised to not go and kill himself. Didn't mean he would keep on living though. He had already left the NCIS and now all he wanted was to drink himself numb.

He had failed watching Tony's six. He didn't deserve having anyone watching his.

They kept talking him about getting some help. They didn't understand anything. He _didn't want_ any help! He was bitter old man with nothing left to save in him. He had already lost too much...

So he would keep on 'living', but no one could make him leave his basement. He had lost too much and the outside world would be too big of a reminder...

"I'm sorry Tony... Shannon... Kelly... I'm sorry... Kate... Please, don't leave me here alone..."

Closing his eyes, Gibbs started crying again.

"I'm so sorry..."

_The End._

* * *

_**Human life is a fragile thing. We are but a flowers on the field. We bloom and flourish and when strong wind blows, we are no more... Don't take your loved ones for granted. They are here today, but they might be gone tomorrow. Don't take your own life for granted. We smile, hate, love and cry today, but tomorrow all those things are meaningless.**_


	2. Alternative

**As requested, here's the _same story_, but with different ending and with few different changes in the story before the end part. So here's to you NCIS-Fan10802. I hope it's the kind of alternative ending as you hoped for or at least close enough.**

**Maybe it's just a bit too sudden and so on, but it's bit hard to keep things short in a short story... Haha...**

**Also, thank you all for the reviews and favs!**

_**Leo**_

* * *

As he stood up and said goodbye, he didn't have to be a genius to know no one hardly paid any attention to what he had just said or rather the _way_ he had said it. Each of them either too tired to care or too much into their weekend plans.

They had just finished their case. Reports were handed in. Everything was in perfect order. They had a whole weekend off. A rare treat for them and he knew each one of them was going to be taking advance of it in their own way.

He didn't have to see or hear it to know it. Probie, _his probie_, would be writing another chapter for that book of his. Then maybe play some geek games of his. Do some other geek stuff he would usually do...

Ziva... Well, he had heard her talk about how she would love to visit a 'friend' of hers so that was most likely what she was going to do.

Abby would spend her weekend clubbing or if the work called, at work.

Same thing with Ducky, well without the clubbing part. The dear old Ducky would spend the time taking care of his mother's grave.

Jimmy, the only one who _had_ noticed something was off with him today, but had been too busy to get the chance to ask about it. He would be busy with his studying. No free time for the poor guy. His friend. Perhaps they could have become the next Gibbs and Ducky, as far as their relationship went.

And Gibbs. Gibbs would... _Gibbs_... Boss would spend it in the basement. Drinking bourbon and working on the boat. Maybe think about those he had lost. Would he become one of them? Would Gibbs remember him like the others?

Would they forget him..?

In sudden agony, Tony muttered bye for the last time and hurried to the stairs. Not trusting himself to be in that small space with everyone else.

By the time he had made it half way downstairs, he had to sit down and try to breath. He really should have taken the elevator after all. His lungs couldn't handle this any more. Every day was pure agony. Trying to keep himself breathing. To not forget to breath. Breath in and breath out. Constant mantra he kept on going through in his head. Most likely even in his sleep, when he could get any sleep that is.

Thinking his breathing was steady enough, Tony stood up and slowly made it downstairs. Feeling dizzy and sick. And his throat... It felt like he was suffocating.

_God please... Someone help me... Don't let me do this... Don't let me go through with it..._

Making it to his car he noticed that everyone else had already left. Part of him felt relieved and the other part was disappointed.

He drove home slowly. Not wanting to cause any accidents and bring anyone with him. No one else should have to pay the price for his weakness.

For a moment he wanted to give up and just call someone when he noticed the '_out of order_' sign on the elevator. He couldn't do this anymore. Another bunch of stairs. Why did he have to end up living in a place like this anyway?

The way up was painfully slow and after already running all over the place all day, no all _week_, he was almost ready to pass out by the time he made it to his door.

Locking up his door and after making sure it had been bolted up nice and tight, he walked to the kitchen to get something to drink.

How ironic. He was going to kill himself yet he was worried about how much he needed that drink.

He was hardly surprised to find nothing in the kitchen so he had to settle for a glass of water, which wasn't even cold enough. Come to think, he was feeling rather hot. Or maybe cold?

Wiping the sweat from his forehead, Tony staggered in the living room and put on a movie. His hands were shaking now and he found himself crying.

_Don't let me do this... Why can't anyone save me? Why couldn't they see me?_

Taking his gun, he put it on the floor, right next to his badge, which he had accidentally dropped from his numb fingers.

He had tried saying something to them. Tried to tell Gibbs what Brad had told him about the condition of his lungs. But the man had been too busy with other things. Work. The death of Jackie and Eli.

Sure. He understood. The pain of the loss and the anger. The need for revenge. But could they not spare just a little bit of time for him? He had done his share. Had followed Ziva in Berlin even.

Having saved so many people during the years and all the bad guys he had killed, he couldn't help but wonder... Was this the price he had to now pay? Bad lungs which would ultimately kill him anyway and being invisible, smiling and joking, wall flower in that team of his.

Taking the new bottle of pills from his pocket which he had saved for this moment. He ignored the phone ringing in his pocket. He barely even heard it. Already too far gone to want anything but relief.

"I'm sorry Ducky... Please don't feel guilty for trusting me with these..."

Taking the pills with the water, Tony leaned forward to write down the short message which he figured he should write. To not let anyone think a crime had happened. Although the now empty bottle of sleeping pills was pretty good message already.

Laying against the pillows on the couch, he stared at the movie on TV. After a while everything started to fade and he felt sleepy.

_Why couldn't they save me?_

He could have sworn he heard his mother's soft voice, singing a lullaby to him. One of her sober moments...

With the It's a wonderful life playing on the background, Anthony D. DiNozzo jr. finally closed his eyes, with a sad smile on his face.

* * *

Spacing around the basement, Gibbs felt restless. He felt almost painful twist in his gut. No, screw that. It _was_ painful. It felt almost as bad as it had felt before he knew what had happened to Shannon and Kelly.

Throwing his bottle of bourbon against the floor, he took out his phone and pressed speed dial. He almost chose to leave the most important one of them to be the last one, but deciding not to ignore his gut feeling, he now was calling him first.

"_You have reached very special Anthony DiNozzo's phone. Leave a message and I will call you back. Boss? If it's you, I'm sure I have perfectly good reason to not answer."_

Waiting patiently for the message to end, Gibbs finally spoke. "DiNozzo! Answer your phone! _Please_. I need to know you're okay. Call me as soon as you hear this, okay? Please..."

Ending the call, Gibbs felt twisting feeling in his gut and he stormed out of the basement, grabbing his car keys on the way. Not caring that he had been drinking bourbon. Not like he was even drunk. Although right now he almost wished he was.

While leaving his house, he called Ducky.

"Ducky. I need you to get to Tony's place right now. Something's wrong... No. Just a feeling I'm having. Really bad one. Yeah. I'll see you there."

Breaking any speed limits he possibly could and who knows what else, as he took any short cuts he could think of, Gibbs made it to Tony's place in record time.

Scoffing at the '_out of order sign_', he ignored the pain in his bad knee and started taking two, and sometimes three, steps at a time as he raced upstairs.

Taking out his spare key, Gibbs opened the door, only he noticed it had been bolted up from the inside. Not even hesitating, he kicked the door open.

Closing the door, with gentleness that was so different from the angry kick before, Gibbs walked further into the dimly lit apartment.

"DiNozzo?"

Hearing faint noise coming from the living room, Gibbs walked straight in there and felt a smile raise on his face as he saw his agent sleeping on the couch, like a baby. Smiling in his sleep.

"D*mn it Tony... You scared the h*ll out of me..."

Shutting down the TV, Gibbs noticed the piece of paper on the floor. Picking it up he squinted his eyes, trying to read it. The short message that stood on it, made both his heart and soul freeze in fear.

_'I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry.'_

"Tony..."

It was only then that Gibbs noticed there was no raising and falling on the chest. No soft breathing. And Tony's skin was deathly pale.

His hand was trembling when he moved it to check the pulse. No... There was no pulse... _Wait_..! There was, but it was faint. Too faint...

"Tony... Come on... Don't do this to me, son... Don't do this to me..." He was pleading.

Taking a hold of Tony, Gibbs was shocked to notice how light the younger man was. When had DiNozzo lost so much weight..? It had to be in very short period of time...

His hand was shaking when he took out his phone. He was just finishing his phone call after calling the 911, when Ducky stormed inside.

One look and the old doctor knew what was going on. He didn't have to see the suicide note. He saw the way Anthony looked. The sleeping pills bottle, which _he_ had given to the man, empty on the floor and the wide eyed look which Gibbs now wore. Trying to do something. To wake the man he was now cradling in his arms like a small child.

"Please... Don't do this to me... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... Come on... Open those eyes for me Tony..."

There was so many things left unsaid... So many things... _Important_ things... He had been planning taking the man to someplace hot. On the beach, with bunch of those bikini women of his. He might've even been talked into wearing one of those hideous Hawaii shirts. He had been planning it for weeks. Knowing they both needed some rest from the work.

Had he waited too long..?

As Ducky started doing what little he could, Gibbs was unaware of anything else. He had finally broken down and his pleading turned into sobbing as he kept holding Tony in his arms.

He couldn't do this again... He couldn't do this...

Why hadn't they noticed something was wrong? Why hadn't _he_ noticed anything? Could they have stopped this from happening?

* * *

While he was driving after the ambulance, with both Tony and Gibbs in it, Ducky took out his phone and started making phone calls. Knowing that soon everyone would be there. Some of them perhaps even adopting Gibbs's driving style to get there fast enough.

By the time he made it inside the hospital, he wasn't surprised to find Gibbs going ballistic and basically threatening to murder anyone stopping him from going to his agent.

"Jethro..." Ducky spoke gently.

"Threatening the hospital staff is not going to do you any good. You'll only be thrown out."

"They took him Ducky..! Won't let me see..."

"Jethro... If I promise to go and see if I can find out the current situation, will you please calm down and wait here?"

Hesitating longer than needed, Gibbs finally nods. Much to the relief to the hospital staff, who were giving grateful smiles towards Ducky.

"Good... Stay here and be nice."

Sitting down on the floor, even though there was chairs he could sit on, Gibbs nods again before Ducky rushes away.

A moment later, McGee, Abby, Jimmy and Ziva started showing up. Each at their own time. Depending where they had been during the time of Ducky's phonecall.

McGee had been at home, doing exactly what Tony had figured he would be doing, so he was there first. He was wearing some sort of fantasy game outfit. Normally it would have been great comic relief, this time no one would even notice it.

Abby had stormed out of the club she had been in, like a bat out of a cannon. How she had even heard or seen the incoming call, was a mystery. Her clubbing outfit was almost as stare worthy as McGee's.

The moment she saw her bossman, she hugged him. Saddened by the way Gibbs didn't even notice anyone. Not even her.

Jimmy had been on his way home from the school and he wore that same wide eyed expression which had been on Gibbs's face before. Unsure what to do, he went to find Ducky.

Ziva... No one still knew where she had been, but she took twice as long coming there as the others did. She didn't say anything and went to sit next to McGee.

The clock was ticking. Time went by. Soon they had been sitting there for hours.

"Jethro." Ducky spoke out of nowhere and they all snapped out of their thoughts.

Gibbs stood up. "How is he, Ducky?"

"He..."

"Please don't tell me he didn't... That he..." Gibbs's voice broke down and for the first time the others beside Ducky noticed the broken man he had become.

"No. He's not. He was lucky. The sleeping pills I had given him were mild ones. However, he took so many of them it took a while for them to clean up his system..."

"Then what is it? What is it that you're not telling me, Ducky?" Gibbs asked. Seeing the serious look on his old friend's face.

"Anthony is awake now. He's... Not happy."

"Well, of course he's not happy. If he were, he wouldn't have done this to himself. To us. To _me_."

"Yes... That is true... However, what I meant to say is that, he's not happy that he was saved. He's very sick and in great deal of pain. He has been sick for a while Jethro."

"What do you mean?"

"Go and see him. I will join with the others later."

Frowning, Gibbs nods and walks towards the room Ducky told him to go to. He felt relieved. Tony was alive. But at the same time he felt that painful feeling in his gut again and he knew that all was not well.

"Ducky..." Abby spoke once they were left alone with the old man. Her voice was trembling.

"Why would Tony..?"

Ducky smiled gently and sat down next to the goth, whose makeup was ruined after all the crying.

"I'll explain this to you and you three must promise me to not do anything I am telling you to not do regarding Anthony. Is that clear?"

"Yes." They all answered.

* * *

Stepping in the room, the first thing Gibbs saw was that Tony was facing away from the door and the people there.

Brad spoke silently with Jimmy before leaving the room.

"Gibbs is here, Tony..." Jimmy spoke gently. He looked uncertain. As if he wasn't sure he could leave the two of them alone.

"It's okay. I'll take it from here..." Gibbs forced himself to smile, which made Jimmy in turn relax some.

"I'll be just outside the room..." He spoke to Tony, who hadn't said a word, and left the room.

Almost regretting for letting Jimmy leave them alone, Gibbs walked to the other side of the bed and saw that the younger man was crying silently. He was staring at some random spot on the wall.

"Tony..." Gibbs swallowed. He was not good at this. He noticed that Tony seemed to be having some trouble with breathing and there was nasal cannula in his nose.

"Don't." Tony spoke suddenly and finally looked at him. He looked so... _tired_. And not just because he needed some sleep tired, but tired as in 'I'm tired of living' and that scared Gibbs more than he ever thought possible.

"Why did you find me?"

"What? Tony... How can you say that... If I hadn't found you in time... If I hadn't..." Gibbs voice broke down and he didn't even try stopping the tears coming from his own eyes.

"H*ll... Do you have any idea what it would have done to me..? Had I found your body... Tony. It would have killed me... It wouldn't have been just you dying today..."

Tony frowned and tried sitting up, only he was too weak to even lift his head. "Gibbs..."

"Why did you do it, Tony..? You're one of the strongest people I have ever met..."

"Well that's the thing, Gibbs... I'm not strong..."

"Yes you are... Now, answer my question..."

"I'm tired... Can't do this anymore..."

"Well yeah. I already know that. I saw your 'note'."

Tony flinched at the bitter tone.

"It's... a combination of... things... I was already standing too close to that line... And then Brad tells me the happy news..."

"Ducky mentioned something about your health..."

"It's my lungs, Gibbs... Can't work as an agent anymore... They're killing me and the work only makes it happen faster..."

Gibbs froze. How had he not noticed anything? _Wait_... He _had_ noticed... The odd wheezing coming from the younger man's mouth lately. The teasing from the others that he was getting old...

"So you see, Gibbs... It doesn't matter that you 'saved me'. I will die too soon anyway. You should've let me die without more pain and suffering."

Gibbs gave possibly the most gentle head slap he had ever given. "Don't. You. Ever. Say. That. I want every possible moment of your life. I don't want to lose you sooner than I have to."

"Wow... Isn't that... selfish?"

Gibbs gave weak version of that half smile of his. "B for a bastard..."

Then he got more serious again. "Tony... When you're ready, I want you to tell me everything... What brought you to this point... It's that or talking to those shrinks... If you promise to talk to me... I will make sure you don't have to talk to them... I know how much you hate shrinks... H*ll, you know how much I hate talking to them... Almost as much as I hate lawyers..."

Tony looked away. He didn't want to talk about those things. Not anymore. He didn't care. It was too late to talk.

"Hey!" Gibbs was glad when he got the attention again.

He took a deep breath and spoke the words, which were hard to speak, but needed to be said. "I'm sorry, Tony... We should've been there... _I_ should've been there..."

Then he closed his eyes as the next words were even harder to speak out. "Don't leave me alone..."

"What..?" Tony stared at him and Gibbs opened his eyes. Showing the deep anguish in them.

"I have already been left behind by so many people. Shannon... Kelly... Losing you would be just as bad... Don't do that to me, Tony. Please, don't do that to me..." Gibbs was pleading.

"Why would you care, Gibbs..? Why now..?" Tony whispered. His tears, which had stopped for a while, starting to flow again.

"Because... You're... You're a family Tony... _My_ family... You're the kind of son I would have always wanted to have..."

Tony was speechless. Sure, the two of them had long time ago shared a relationship that was like a father and son, but things had changed...

"Aren't I little bit too old now to have a father figure, Gibbs..?" He whispered and tried to smile, which turned out to be pathetically weak attempt for someone who was so used to faking a smile.

"Never too old, Tony... Never too old... Besides... Look at me... I am already old enough to retire..."

Finally sitting down, next to the bed, Gibbs took Tony's hand in his.

"Come home with me, Tony... Let us at least_ try_ to fix this... Look at the options and whether there's nothing we can do or if there is, we will deal with it... _Together_..."

"There's nothing that can be fixed Gibbs... It's too late..."

"I understand... But give me one last chance..?"

"Gibbs... It's too-"

"_Please_..."

Licking his very dry lips, Tony swallowed. Gibbs didn't say please. Ever. Yet here the man was almost on his knees. Pleading. He knew he shouldn't let himself be fooled by the sudden kindness, yet here he was again. Falling for it...

"One chance... No more..."

Gibbs opened his mouth again, but Tony spoke first.

"I'm tired Gibbs..." He closed his eyes and both men knew what he meant by it.

"I know Tony... I know..."

Gibbs knew that this wasn't even really a start with the recovery of... Everything. If anything even could be saved. He didn't know yet. This was merely a promise for a start.

"Get some sleep Tony... I've got your six... I haven't watched it in a long time like you have been watching mine and everyone else's... It's something I can't change... But I promise I won't leave you on your own again..."

The time went on and he thought the younger man had fallen asleep, until he heard the soft and tired voice speaking once more.

"Gibbs... Thanks for... Finding me..."

_The End._


End file.
